This absolute specimen is the president of our wonderful club. A hardcore shredder from Oregon City, OR, this menace has been shredding Mt. Hood on snowboard since he was a wee lad. What he lacks in brains he makes up for in total senditude– you can always catch him in the park throwing backflips and hitting rails. To the rest of boards delight, Kaleb has recently been learning how to ski and has almost completely mastered the art of looking like a total Jerry. Off the slopes he enjoys a variety of activities: hiking, surfing, camping, throwing parties for our beautiful members and PISSING ON THE FLOOR.
Jake is in the unique position of being both the Webmaster as well as the designated bear fighter on board. That’s right, Jake is a powerful short king capable of destroying bears and other large animals in hand to hand combat. This menace comes from sunny Carlsbad, CA, and grew up shredding Mammoth Mountain. He is one of just 2 bi-ski-xual board membas, having grown up both skiing and snowboarding on the regular. Jake loves shredding freeride terrain, dropping cliffs, getting face shots of powder and sending it through chutes. His fellow board members seem to find him delusional, but they just haven’t figured out what he’s capable of yet. Off the mountain, Jake enjoys weightlifting, intramural sports of any variety and destroying people in drinking games. Another interesting fact about Jake is that he was raised by a family of mystical wizards (pictured above), which is seemingly where he gets is inexplicable powers from.
Will is a majestic knight hailing from the Kingdom of Beer Die. Wet Willy can and will wreck your shit in beer die without breaking a sweat. In order to acquire such mad die skills however, he had to sacrifice his snowboarding ability. If you let him get too frisky on the slopes, he is known to break his collarbone from time to time. That aside, Will is the dad of our group. Other than die, his favorite off mountain activities include cracking open an ice cold Mind Haze IPA, eating Chipotle and walking around in his legendary moccasins. He is a simple man, capable of falling asleep absurd places. These places are include but are not limited to: face down on top of a cooler, any staircase within a 5 mile radius and at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. There are few things Will enjoys more than kickbacks with his favorite beer, so deliver him a Mind Haze and he’ll be your new best friend.
Tommi Salami is one of the sickest skiers to ever grace the club. He has accomplished this thanks to this status as a government prototype cyborg. His bones are made almost exclusively of rare earth metals like Dysprosium and Praseodymium, which causes him to glow like a glowstick in the dark. He was manufactured in Portland, OR, which caused him to develop a love for the outdoors, beer, and your mom. Be careful of this guy if he comes anywhere near your mom, his synthetic bones make MILF’s of all types magnetically attracted to him, and he is trained to seize every opportunity he gets. Tommy is well known for his skiing, having won the 2023 Mammoth Mountain pond skim, and you can catch him throwing tricks on any part of the mountain. If you see him around at a party or trip, make sure he gets photos or videos of you doing some sick shit. Because of the way he was manufactured, he uses cool videos of CPSC members as fuel to keep him alive.
Reilly is actually just an alias for the creature that is host to many different personalities and people. Within her singular body exists 5 different people. Among them are Rave Reilly, a dangerous, pit enjoying entity that can usually be observed during festivals or concerts, where she is most comfortable. Mommy Reilly can usually be seen whenever Reilly detects her wowies, whom she cares for deeply. On the mountain, DopeSnow Reilly comes alive. DopeSnow Reilly is a strange jerry/sender hybrid, who becomes aggravated when you try to tell her that DopeSnow is a goofball brand. In order to calm down an aggravated DopeSnow Reilly, you must either defeat her in combat, pass her the joint or give her a dirty girl scout. The other two Reilly’s are Menace Reilly and Sorority Reilly, who only ever come out on occasion. Reilly loves shredding on her snowboard and meeting new CPSC members. She is always down to party and is a super fun person to be around, so don’t be shy, say, “Hi!” to her next time you see her at a CPSC event.
Ahh Oz… the realistic one of out group. As the vice president of CPSC, Oz is now in the unfortunate position of having to wake up and face the music… literally. His favorite hobbies include telling Jake to turn down the music, being the human embodiment a leprechaun, simping for his girlfriend and throwing back fireball shooters. In all realness though, Oz is one cool motherfucker. He is always down to clown and loves sending it big on the slopes. Having grown up in Boulder, CO, Ozzy Boo Boo Bear has a deep love for backcountry and freeride style skiing. When he’s not shredding sick pow, he can be found drinking the rest of the party under the table or cleaning up someone’s vomit.
YEEEEE HAWWWW! Our lovely marketing for this year is none other than Fitz Fitzgerald. Originally from North Carolina, this senders hobbies include raising alpacas, screaming “GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY YOU DAMN CITY BOY”, and eating at Bojangles. Fitz grew up skiing the hellscape that is east coast snow, but somehow by the grace of Ron Caballero is actually a total shredder. When he’s not butt-ass naked, Fitz can usually be found destroying his lungs with cigarettes or indulging in some of the devils lettuce. Having grown up in the south, Fitz is country strong. Some of his most impressive feats include bearing the weight of the heavens for 69 days while atlas was taking a vacation, shattering the windows of every house within 5 miles after clapping his hands and stopping Emma from drinking Ron Caballero.
This hunk of a human being is our lovely PR guy for the year. Paul frequently does tasks that would be considered impossible for any normal human being, such as simultaneously being a board member and part of Cal Poly’s ROTC program. When he’s not eliminating insurgents, unveiling corruption within the ranks of the US government and conducting military sting operations overseas, Paul enjoys drinking and country music. Unfortunately for him, because he cannot overcome Jake in hand to hand combat, and because country music is objectively the worst genre, he almost never gets aux. However, originally from Spokane, WA, Paul does indeed know how to tear up the slopes. He loves big mountain and technical terrain, as well as Budweiser on the chairlift. Paul is secretly a softie who loves tummy rubs, Katy Perry, and small furry primates. The next time you see him at a party, make sure to scratch him behind the ears and let him know how much you love him.
Our beautiful sexcretary for this year is none other than Emma Caballero. Emma is another east coast skier, originally from New Jersey. Some things she claims to love include: festivals, small weenies, and her husband, Ron Caballero. She has a rather scandalous history with her husband, and has been caught cheating with his cousin, Borski, on numerous occasions. Many blame her lack of faith on her New Jersey origins, as being so close to the Jersey Shore is sure to create a need for drama and toxic love. Despite her rather complicated love life, her love for skiing, parties and music is undying. Emma is a typical member of the 3AM headbanging club, and loves to get down and dirty to some gritty, nasty, disgusting electronic music.
Our lovely logistics lady for this year is Mrs. Maddy McCarthy. Maddy is a rad skier originally from San Clemente, CA. In order to fulfil her duties as our Logistics officer, Maddy has recently begun rigorous weight training, so don’t let her soft exterior fool you. If she wasn’t so nice she could easily tear anyone limb from limb (even maybe Jake), and transcend into a Godzilla level threat. Make sure keep her calm by feeding her Coronas (with lime obviously), wine, and 4lokos at regular time intervals during parties. Maddy can absolutely rip on a pair of skis, and is a frequent member of the no poles gang. Catch her shredding (and occasionally tomahawking) down double blacks and big mountain terrain. If you ever need anything at a party or trip, Maddy is most likely your girl to talk to. She can’t wait to get to know everyone at this years CPSC events!